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May 10, 2026, 1:46 PM

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Growing up, I was afraid of my mother. My older sister was academic gold. And ma expected the same excellence from me which, naturally, made me terrified of her. Not because I was bad at studies. I was bright. Just maybe not as bright as she believed I could be. I was afraid of the potential she saw in me hehe. Where I thrived was singing, debating, dancing, writing, performing. And that made her nervous. Because kids like me get attention. Lots of it. Deserved or not. And I think somewhere in her own growing up, she was told to be smaller, quieter, to take up less space. So when she saw me she probably thought my kid will get into trouble. She’s going to be all the things I didn’t plan for. Now I’m 33 and all the things my mother didn’t plan for. And the older I get, the more consumed I am by this need to know her. Not as my mother — but as a person. Who was she before the wife, before the mom? What did she dream of becoming? What did she have to give up? Did raising us fulfil her? What did it break in her? Does she have regrets? Am I one of them? I try to get her to stop hiding from me the way I used to hide from her. The roles have reversed — I nag her about her health, tell her to stop concealing it when she’s unwell, push her to say out loud when her feelings are hurt. I act like her mother now. She thinks my acting performance is annoying. I get it. Mothers and daughters are complicated. You spend your childhood trying to be nothing like your mum. And you spend your adulthood realising how much of her is already within you — in the way you worry and love. And your heart breaks when you think of all the pieces of her she probably let go of to make room for you. The best gift mothers and daughters can give one another is permission- to take up space, to be whole and to see each other as our fullest versions. I hope we all get that. Happy Mother’s Day ♥️

@srishtipatch

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